49th

---dear diary...,

i'm upset.. really upset..

i don wan to give up, i never ask to give up in this sport..
really.. if i wan to give up 4years or 5years ago i will already let it go.. but i hold it until today..
maybe i pause after SPM was wrong....
i shouldn't pause.. pause doesn't mean stop right..

this year finally i step back on the mat.. realize.. everything change...

last time in school team girls need to base base base base..
now they wan girl fly fly fly fly..

CHARM i really don know wat to say.. i wan to try but in this moment everything make me hard to cross this line...

some says, they only care about team A

some says, they only care about the boys n the girl who can fly very well n flexible n they look at weight nyadayada..
so? not i don wan to fly right.. in high school who wan to base me? boys n girls split into 2 n do their own stuff.. weight i really don know wat to say.. i'm speechless.. totally..
now wat i'm trying to do is stretch my leg every night before i sleep.. stretching my non-usual leg..
back hand spring i tried before wat.. thx to don know who say stop n just leave it..

i'm not blaming anyone here diary.. i just... i just upset..

it used to be wat i proud of.. but now..... ya.. when i'm in high school..
i don wan to give it up....... i'm so down.................
i bleed, i cry, all the pain, all the injury.... sigh..

*smile*
but i guess they might be saying.. so? so wat? everyone do not only u..

///// rannie day;
\\\\\\ rannie heart;
//////

in this moment my heart is bleeding...........
this feeling make me feel that i'm so useless........
in this moment my confident all gone... gone
u r so cruel... to me......
i never ever feel this way before.. fail! wat i build up for so many years now i feel like it's all drop!
u make me so down CRUEL U! *tears drop*