48th

i used to be a normal girl with normal friends, normal family, normal life...
it had change since 9 years ago..
i move away from my usual place from here to there..
have to be independent or else nothing i can do..

thw world is cruel when i'm in primary, in high school, move on to work, now college......
u can't 100% guess ppl's mind..
u can still guess but.... always try to keep the last card to ur self.. no all-in

primary to high school now college..
not used to camera now i do
not used to smile now i do
not used to this not used to that..
not used to be too friendly now i still.....

someone said i'm talk a lot... in my heart was thinking: i don think u wan to know how i looks when i'm quiet.
used to be cold...
used to be a damn it dumb stupid girl who easy control by other ppl now i don't...
at lease at this moment..
i don know..

sometimes.. when i'm mad... i'm not really show n the devil will pop out n talk to me..
go ahead, u r right n they r wrong.. why r u keeping it to urself.. u r cruel.. to ur own self! u shall love urself more n don really bother about them..
angel will said: don keep it in ur heart tell them in a good way although they wont listen..

but i guess i more to the devil side.. i shall keep some for it.. *silent*
when u met the person same as u only u will feel it..
others if it bother u, u can throw it to the trashcan

i am still me.. but now i'm in the 50 50 world..
when i got it until 85 n i'm will be the winner

--dear diary, u r the one who understand me the most--